Bitch I'm Frank Ocean
ooh ooh ooh
This August will mark ten years since multi-platinum artist, multi-Grammy nominee, Coachella headliner, and critical darling Frank Ocean released the legendary album Blonde, which Pitchfork acclaimed as the single greatest album of the 2010s. But apart from a few singles, Ocean has not released any music since, and the public is left waiting for Blonde’s followup. It is sad to acknowledge, but it is a fact that, in Frank Ocean’s current musical output, the Frank Ocean faithful no longer find the means necessary to enjoy Frank Ocean music.
This is why I have decided to release the next Frank Ocean album. I will write and record songs that I assume Frank Ocean would write and record, sing and play them myself on my keyboard, and then release the album so that Frank Ocean fans can finally get the music they’ve been anticipating for the past decade. Some would argue that whatever I write and sing is not going to sound anything like Frank Ocean music since I’m a white dude in Chicago with no formal vocal training and who stopped taking piano lessons at age 16, and that only Frank Ocean can really decide what a Frank Ocean album is, and that I cannot arrogate to myself the right to decide what is and isn’t music by Frank Ocean. But those people are wrong. I’m Frank Ocean now. Also, all music I’ve recorded before this point - mainly a short 2009 album of songs I wrote for my college standup routines and recorded in the practice rooms of my university’s music department, which lives only on my external hard drive - has retroactively become Frank Ocean music, and I would like some of his streaming residuals please, and the Grammy nominations too while we’re at it.
Why do this? There is a crisis in modern music, and my wish is only to be allowed to continue to do this same good for the fans to whom I provide Frank Ocean music. I am doing this for these souls, for whom, as already promised, I have no other intention than to make true fans of Frank Ocean.I have no other goal than to serve Frank Ocean fans in the midst of the current crisis. It is my desire to replace Frank Ocean completely by methods I just made up for no real reason, that indeed shows my deep love and respect for Frank Ocean and his music.
I’ve written like twelve drafts to try and explain through analogy what the Society of Saint Pius X is doing and this was the best one.